


A New upir -

by An_outsider_looking_in



Series: Tale of a broken boy [2]
Category: Hemlock Grove
Genre: F/M, Gen, Grief, Is Roman bisexual?, M/M, Oedipal Issues, Redemption, Stand Alone, The night isnt so scary, Wandering alone, Who am I
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-07-11 03:14:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15963518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/An_outsider_looking_in/pseuds/An_outsider_looking_in
Summary: Roman wanders around after the incidents that occurred in his basement.Disclaimer -This is sort of a sequel to the events that occur at the end of For today, I have seen the Dragon, it also  covers Romans uneasy feeling as he adjusts understands to his situation as a new Upir. My aim is to cover what is ignored at the end of the first season. It's Roman after he leaves the house as his mother is dead. After the events that occur at the end of both season one,and my previous fic.I felt that the book and series didn't dwell on this enough, or at all, and I want to write what I think happened. Roman is a deeply damaged character and I doubt that he would just brush it off and start anew , so here is my idea of what may have happenedI'm going to try and mix it up so that it links in with the Bill Skarsgård Fandom as a whole, maybe even include some fun Easter eggsI hope you guys enjoy this, it's still very much an experimental piece of fun, an admiration of such a well written character.





	1. An Upir walks alone in the woods

**Author's Note:**

> Roman wanders alone after becoming an Upir. Not quite ready to alert the world to what is happened, he finds himself delving deeper into the woods  
> Weird things exist in the woods at night, he realises as he understands his Upir nature

'It's so cold', he thought as he walked through the street to the woods. The door closed behind him, he was unsure for how long. He pulled up the collar of his coat. 

 He looked around, the woods were dark. It was comforting, they were as bleak and terrified as he was. So much had happened, there was no way he could exist in that mansion anymore. Too many ghosts reside there. Too many monsters in the closet.  
He hadnt called anyone to clean the house or even report his mother's murder. Who would he call?  
Instead he ran.  
The now heir of the Godfrey institute ran.  
He ran until his tears dried and until his mind was only whispers. 

Why did this have to happen? How long had this happened, been happening.

His mother's words made no sense, 

Upir 

  
He knew he couldn't hide, he knew that eventually someone would find him. Or launch an enquiry or report it. The would find the bodies and no Roman.  
  
Then again, everyone was dead.... so who would come looking for him. Nevertheless he couldn't live in the woods. Not for much longer. In the trees he saw eyes watching him, candles were lit as he wandered further down into the gloom of the wooded valley. He felt less alone.  
This isn't right.  
Is this gypsy territory?  
He had never actually dealt with anything on his own, his family  felt the need to smother him, unsuccessfully  

Unless he was intoxicated then they had no chance. They simple let him roam in the hope that he would return sober, different or dead. But this time he wasn't intoxicated, he was dead.   
Well he thought he was, he hasn't quite understood what his mother had done to him. The world echoed in his mind  
'Upir, upir' what did it mean. 

He saw himself die, the scars still eminent on his arms. 

Was time screwing with him?

He saw it, he saw them die. Erika, his mother everyone. 

It wasn't a dream 

  
He had a rush inside of him, a warmth a desire. One that he had always had but never knew why. Something had been awoken in him, something that scared him.  
And excited him.  
It amused him ever so, that the only time he had ever felt alive was when he was dead.  
It was painfully amusing him, should get it on a t-shirt, he mused to himself.

 He lit up a cigarette and sat by a tree. This was getting him now where.

Then again, nowhere was exactly where he needed to be


	2. Mother will not guide you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman continues to walk. Plagued by visions as the hunger begins to form

He stood and looked towards the trees. The night was cold. He heard laughter coming from the distance, he headed cautiously towards it. Against his better judgement, he decided not to be afraid. 

Instead he headed towards the laugh, it blindly filled the air. As he approached closer it became a cackle, then a silouhette. What is this 

The figure moved, cackling as it hid behind the trees.

"Roman" it chucked in a familiar voice, his gut sank. She wore a thin dress, one that flowed in the cold breeze. He didn't walk further

"Come here, darling" she appeared from behind the trees, tall and slender. She wandered towards him, he figure seemed to wave with the breeze, the white dress floating behind her. 

Something wasn't right here , before he could turn away she seemed to blast towards him. Her face pale, her lips bloodied. She wiped her lips and placed her hand on his cheek

"What is this?" He said, starting to tremble , she put her finger on his lip and whispered

"Its guilt"  she laughed, it was high pitch, like a banshee. He stood, he had no idea what to do. He was paralysed by fear. 

"What's wrong darling?" A smug smile ran across her face, her skin was perfect and her face seemed to heal itself. She no longer looked dead, she seemed like her old self. But what purpose would he have for this, was his mind that deluded. 

"You killed me" she said, almost pitiful, a sympathetic glance spread across her face.

"You destroyed me" Roman remembered his anger, how much hatred he had

"You killed everyone I loved and turned me into a monster" 

"You little shit. You murdered them, you should thank me. I ridded you of so many wasteful souls" her legs seemed to form, as though she was no longer floating, she became a full length body. No longer a remnant of the wind.

"I tried to help you, you were able to understand and unleash yourself, darling you are better now" she placed her hand on his cheek , her hand was soft, warm. 

"I understand nothing about this" tears formed in his eyes.

"Oh, you will. Especially when the hunger begins" she placed her face closer to his and her hands grazed his chest. She felt his arm , placing her nail on his scars. He stood still.

"You're such a strong boy. You can be so powerful. You are released, I see myself on you" her hands went down his thigh as she stared at him, her eyes black and cold.

"I will never be like you" he spoke, his voice cracking, she was listening for a pulse that would never occur. She seemed to glide on his body, like a ghost. There was an uneasy stillness as she placed her hand on his penis, it expanded underneath his black jeans he squirmed and her hand tightened it's grasp. Her face still in line with his. He could feel her, she was no ghost.

He felt a serve of heat through his body, an unwanted erection occurred at his mother's hand. She seemed to become amused by this, she had a power over him. Even in death she controlled him. He felt like a child, like an oppressed child. 

"I hate you" he said to her. "I hate what you have done" her smile phased into a grimace. It was eerie, cold and terrifying. 

Her face suddenly changed, and her skin seemed to crumble as she lay her face on his shoulder. Almost childlike as she looked up at him, a victim.  He trembled, she transformed. Her skin whitened , pale as bone. Her lips parted and her tongue flopped out and fell to the ground, it disintegrated into dust before landing. A gash opened in her neck and blood began to seep out, blood appeared around his mouth  Her eyes turned vague , whitened and turned glassy. Her tongue was taken by the wind, it didn't even exist . She seemed to gasp, gargle on the blood as her face collapsed. Her body collapsed into nothing, a faded figure in the wind. A voice, a sound amongst the howls of the wind. 

She spat blood at him, it was gross, not fresh. It was sticky and stank of death. She smiled as her face became part of the wind. It crumbled and fell disgracefully into the wind. A cackle in an empty wood.

"You're dead, your not real" he said as his mother decomposed before him. 

"Dead or not, I still got you hard. What could that mean?" She muttered as she turned to dust and flowed away in the wind. Taken by the cold air, her dress turned to leaves, her face to ash. She cackled as she fell into the dirt and within a second was gone.

He felt a tightness in his stomach, he collapsed to the floor in pain. He grasped his stomach and it eventually eased. The dirt and leaves on the floor, were just that. Nature, darkened by the cold night. Lit by moonlight, he was terrified. How real that delusion had been. He grabbed his knees and buried his face in his lap, too afraid to even smoke. Was this part of his transformation? 

Wait a minute.

He knew exactly what it was.

The hunger, he would fight it. No one else would die by his hand. He lay back and looked at the sky, the moon was clouded by branches. Hidden by the thrills of nature.

"Fuck" he said as stared at the sky, his arms outstretched. When would his pain end?

"I'm not my mother

I'm not my mother

I'm not my mother 

I will make my heart steel" he chanted into air, into the emptiness. The cold breeze smashed against his cheeks. 

He wouldn't panic. He instead continued this chant, he knew he couldn't do this forever. But for now, it would suffice. 

The air was cold and the moon was large as he was isolated in the coldness of loneliness. The woods felt trapping and isolating, what a mess. 

He closed his eyes and continued to chant 

"I must make my heart steel"


	3. In the bad times, I fear myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman wanders, he has no idea what's happening. He refuses to stop for visions. His goal now is to get somewhere safe

The cold air was exhilarating

He sat up, his eyes wet from and sore. He knew he had to get out of these woods. Man, they seemed to be going on for ages.  
Where could be go?  
Destiny? Would she even open the door?  
Is she real?, Peter wasn't so perhaps.  
Either way he needed to get out of here, the knot in his stomach grew. The hunger began to fester. It began to effect him, he struggled to think clearly.

What is this shit?  
He wondered as he noticed his scars pulsing, his once bleeding wrists appeared to pulsate like they would burst. It was in this moment that he realised help was no longer an option, no longer a choice. He needed to get to Destiny. Steadying himself, he carried on walking if he went in one direction he would eventually land somewhere. The woods were beautiful but he couldn't acknowledge it, his stomach, the burning hunger wouldn't let him.   
As he he wandered, he heard a whisper a voice. He ignored it.   
It was most likely another stupid vision. His mother playing another trick on him. He knew what he needed and he wasn't going to stop, not for anything.  
"Roman" the whisper came from behind him, he was a little startled but didn't stop or even turn around. Hallucinations didn't scare him, in fact they only proved his theory further. That he was going insane.   
The woods were cold as he carried on walking.  
The trees looked the same, they towered over him, trapping him. The moon appeared through the branches, it glistened.  
Man, he was glad Peter wasn't here, the moon was full.   
But he also did wish Peter was there , he was the only one who could ground him back to reality. Well, from what he could remember, memories seemed to blur into confusion for him.   
The trees eventually seemed to clear and he found a logged area, it looked like a camp fire site. It was truly phenomenal, he sat down on one of the chunks of tree bark. The fire lit in the middle.   
Startling him, ever so slightly, but he wasn't scared enough to move. His fatigue outweighed his judgement and besides the fire was warm. It was heavenly.   
He sat for a while, he wasn't sure at what point he fell asleep but he awoke to a hand on his back. As he sat up, he was surrounded by a familiar bunch. They were drunk and seemed to move in a slow cycle.   
"Roman, are you ok?" Lynda asked. He looked up at her.  
"I'll let Peter know you are here" she passed him a beer, it seemed to appear from nowhere, then she wandered into a tent that he hadn't noticed before. It was lighter now, but still night.  
This night seemed to go on forever.   
Suddenly he realised what she said, But Peter was dead? 

Man, being a Upir was definitely a mind fuck....


	4. Tell me something, Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Roman have an unusual and unexplained encounter as they sit in the woods. Is this an illusion?

"So, you arent dead, huh? Roman stared as Peter exited the tent, it was insane.

" Hey" Peter had two cigarettes hanging out of his mouth, he passed one to Roman.

"So what's up? " Peter asked, calmly evading the question, his reality seemed jolted, like it did that night.

" I'm lost, I don't know what's real anymore"

"Yeah man, there's a reason you're here" Peter blew a smoke ring and sat beside Roman, he gently touched his tattered shirt.

"When did that happen? " Roman asked himself aloud.

" Must have been in the wars somewhere, friend"

"I don't remember, that's so strange" he continued to feel his tattered shirt, his hand met Peter's for a brief moment, lingered then he tore it away"

"it's OK man, Love is love here " Peter winked and smiled then took a drag of his cigarette, his arms outstretched behind his head, Roman took another drag of his feeling quite insecure.

"This is strange, I can't understand what's happening" Roman took another drag, noticing the unusual sweetness of the cigarette, that wasn't tobacco.

"Then maybe, try not to understand, what do you want? You didn't come here for a cigarette, did you?" Peters wandering hands landed on Romans chest, Roman looked him in the eye. 

"This isn't a cigarette, and I came here by mistake" he put Peter's hand back in his own lap, Peter didn't seem bothered by his lack of interest. 

"Then why haven't you left yet? " 

" I was hoping to get some answers"

"Then start asking some questions" Peter lay back, his legs rested on the log, he had fallen back onto the floor yet he hadn't flinched or seemed phased. Roman looked around at the camp, the fire was surrounded by silhouettes, not quite real but just real enough to fill space. This place felt like an animated museum. 

They turned to look at Peter as he fell, the loud bang was almost like an echo. They looked in unison, almost rehearsed. 

"I saw you die" 

"Maybe, or maybe you saw the physical me die" Roman rolled his eyes as he stared at his high friend. 

Peter pulled Roman back by his shoulder and he fell beside him. Peter was bare fitted, wearing loose torn jeans and no shirt, his hairy chest was on show. 

"Come on man, cut the crap" Roman started to grow tired of Peter's hippy bulls hit, he began to disdain. 

"So you are telling me, your a ghost? " Peter shrugged at Romans observation, serious faced then turned to a Cheshire cat grin. Peter didn't break his gaze

" Didn't t you feel your arms bleed out, didn't you see yourself die? " Peter asked Roman, he had one hand lightly stroking Romans arm, Peter lay on his side like a teenager at a sleepover, as of death was like gossip. 

" Yeah well, not sure what that has to do with, wait how do you know?"

"Because I'm a ghost" Peter booed theatrically, Roman rolled his eyes.

"I need to find Destiny" Roman suddenly began to remember 

"We are all looking for that man, she awaits us all"

"you know what I mean? " Roman felt as though he was getting nowhere, the hunger made him irritable

" Sit with me" Peter asked, leaning in closer to Roman. 

"Wait, I'm not gay" Roman said, uncertain

"Was that a question? " Peter smiled as he kissed Romans neck. 

" Shee-it" it felt good, Roman thought as he took a moment to understand what was happening, he grabbed Peter's face and kissed him passionately, it felt forced to begin with then it felt right. 

"What am I doing? " Roman said, he was confused and felt vulnerable as he enjoyed every second. 

" It's desire" Peter

"Yeah but since when, is it part of the transformation? "Roman asked questions that he honestly didn't care what the answer was, he longed for the taste of Peter's lips. 

Peter chuckled" Its your journey man" that was some half baked nonsense answer, Roman thought. 

"I'm not going to leave these woods until I figure some shit out, am I? " 

Peter was silent, as Roman vented, he lay on Peter's chest, it was unusually warm and soothing

" Is Erika here too?, I assume this is some purgatory "

Peter remained silent, he stroked Romans hair, " Why don't you sleep,? No where is warmer than a gypsy fire" Roman looked at Peter, his tone was monotone, his face darkened. Roman was startled as he looked round and noticed the men disappearing. Peter's face seemed to melt, his eyes decomposing. 

"I can't stay here can I? " Roman said to him, sitting up. A coldness fled through him, Peter's puppeteered corpse seem to no longer have a purple to serve. 

" You can kick back, have a beer" Peter sounded like a computer as he looked past Roman, his eye flinched slightly. His lips seemed stuck in a unnatural grin, like he was trapped behind it. 

"No. That wouldn't be wise" Roman shrugged, he was getting used to saying goodbye by now, Roman leant in an kissed Peter on the lips, perhaps for the last time. He wiped away a stray tear that rested on Peter's cheek, a sign of the real Peter trapped inside this puppet. Peter's face was gaunt, practically bone, his teeth crumbled, his skin torn and melted. Roman didn't turn away, didn't leave, he instead help Peter's hand as it melted to bone in his grasp. Peters hand was almost dust when Roman kissed it. 

"Thank you" he whispered as he watched his friend become dust, and become one with the wind. Roman found himself alone again, the light from the camp had burnt out, It had resumed a deathly quiet. 

"You know where I am" a voice whistled in the wind, a hand rested on his shoulder just as the last speckles of dust blew away. 

* * *

 

"Roman, are you OK? " Lynda crouched beside him as he lay in the dirt. 

Roman was confused and sore. 

" He knows" she smiled at him and pointed to a path that emerged in the distance. He didn't turn to face her, he simply watched as the trees opened and revealed a path. 

He hadn't seen that before. 

But right now, he wasn't going to take that step, he instead simply stared at the wind, the hunger rumbled at his core. He felt so alone, he didn't turn  to see if Lynda was still there, he took the silence to assume she wasn't. 

 


	5. A tale of two father's...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman has a strange dual encounter as his hunger grows
> 
> I hope you guys are enjoying this, I'm having quite a few ideas and are therefore finding a way to put them into play. This is almost an extended Catabasis but slightly different as I feel the book and television adaption didn't address Romans transformation, this is how I interpret what it may be like. I'm playing around with some theories also about the character, such as his sexuality and so on.  
> Enjoy this chapter and I'm sorry that I haven't been updating as regularly as I should but I hope to get the chapters out to you guys at good quality so it takes me some time to create them and orchestrate them into an over arching story  
>  I find writing very therapeutic and transpire my anxieties into what I write. Roman is such an intriguing character and one I adore as he is neither good or bad, he is broken and beautiful

Roman continued to wander. It was tireless but exhilarating , he was terrified of what he would find, who he would find. But at the same time, he was scared to step outside his comfort zone, to see what he hadn't ever wanted to see.

The woods revealed an awful chill but it seemed to bounce off him, wistful around his skin. The cold didn't bother him a anymore, never really did.

He saw a male figure in the distance, suddenly this famiar silouhette put a spanner in this mood. He felt quite awful in a momentary lapse of anxiety.

"Oh come on, don't pretend you don't know who I am" the voice was powerful as the suited man wandered towards him. 

"Don't prevent to be surprised, Olivia is good but she isn't that good" it was JR, he had a neat black suit and tie, it was pinstriped. He looked like a wall street journalist. 

"Guess I wouldn't remember, why would you be here? I have nothing to learn or say to you"

"Well I don't know either kid, but something bought us here" JR got out a cigar and passed one to Roman, he was reluctant as he noticed JR light up three in total.

"Us?" He asked

"Yeah us"  Norman wandered out from behind a tree.

"Hello brother" he took the cigar off JR

"Great" Roman rolled his eyes

"Sit down" JR pointed to a line of wooden logs that seemed to appear

Roman stood.

JR looked at him and he sat down, he always did struggle with authority.

"So?" Roman was impatient 

"You really are a spoilt shit,  aren't you?" JR pointed out

"Olivia did her best" Norman added, "but this little shit never could spit out that silver spoon" 

"Oh and you are perfect" Roman said sarcastically "Do excuse my sarcasm but aren't you meant to be dead?"

"Ditto, kid" 

"Well what could I learn from you, how to traumatise a child?"

"How about how to be better than we were" Norman sat cross legged, his glasses on the end of his nose. 

"Great,  therapy, bit late for that" JR said to his brother 

"And it's too late anyways" Roman added

"Oh ofcourse, poor tormented Roman, a boy of scars and darkness" JR said sarcastically, a snigger in  his voice. 

Roman was hungry, he felt a tightness in his gut, the hunger caused him to cease over, he held his stomach.

"See your more like her than I thought" JR said

"I could have never rescued you, she had her claws in you from the second that you were born. I had no chance"

"And you really tried didn't you?" Norman added

"She tried to kill me" JR stared at him as Roman only heard fragments

"By the looks of it, she did more than try" Norman laughed, the two brothers had been spat out by Olivia, cast aside.  Roman sat up, he stared at them

"Why am I here? I'm so sick of this mythical bullshit" he stared at the two men, a vein on his head emerged from the pain. 

 "Perhaps to learn something, perhaps to find out about Erika and who she was, she worked for me" JR continued "a cracker of a woman she was, very loose" he sniggered at his vulgarity and turned to Roman who seemed unscathed.

"JR, she played you too, huh?" Norman added "the boy knows all of that"

"Yeah it's old news. Although what you did to her, those experiments, it's inhumane" Norman continued as he stared at Roman 

"No, you are here for a much more simple reason, a quest if you like. One of your own creation. See when you took that razor to your arm you didn't just end your mortal life, you unlocked a part of you that you had no idea existed"

Roman lifted his eyebrows 

"I think he knew, a little.  In the back of his mind he knew something was there" JR intervened

"Perhaps, but when you unlocked that part of you, you allowed a whole bunch of other pent up emotions to flow out. Emotions that have revealed things that you have long repressed or perhaps even hidden from, that's what this is"

" Yeah I understand but what do I have to learn from you?" Roman asked, 

"Perhaps it's more of what you have to accept, a different demon to ward off" 

"You never did forgive me, did you?" JR asked as he striked up a match and lit a cigarette.

"You abandoned us, you left me with her" Roman turned to him

"I never meant to hurt you. She just had such a grip"

"But you sent someone to kill me"

"Only because I knew that you would be safer dead, I hated what you became"

"So you decided to kill him?" Norman said 

"Well you did assist Olivia in the for the and brain washing of young women to make sure that he was broken enough to become, well what he is"

"Upir" Roman said, "you are both awful" 

"But forgiveness" Norman began,  "may be it's the path"

"It seems like you are just blaming my mother for everything"

"Don't you? I mean she is the reason for this. She wanted you to suffer so she could unleash the monster in you" Norman said quite irritable by his diligence to her

"You were completely up for it, norm, as long as she kept you in her nuclear model"  JR rolled his eyes "you tried to trick her and perhaps that's why you died last, she may have been impressed" JRs face started to blacken, his eyes turned grey.

"You faked your death to get away from her, you hid from her, like a child" Norman yelled at him, his throat opened up and dust flew out, it was almost tarmac as it slodged down his chest.

"What is going on?" Roman asked, well yelled as he stared at the men as they began to decompose. They turned to him, eyes grey and abruptly put there hands around his neck. He jolted away, they sqwarked, their voices like witches.

"Get out of here, she isn't done" they chanted in unison as the flesh fell off their bones. Corpses once more, JRs neck began to collapse. He stumbled to the ground 

"Run" he yelled as his mouth closed up, it seemed to seal from the inside

"He said too much. He was going to. This isn't good. She won't let you learn. You were not meant to be here" Norman yelled as his voice closed, like a hand grasping his throat he began to wheeze and eventually was silence. All but a small whistle from this neck as it snapped from the grasp of the invisible hand. They were dragged into the ground, their bones snapped as though they where being pulled through a tiny gap. They became one with the soil. Mere tree branches,  discarded and dry.

Roman didn't stand around. He turned and headed away, he thought he had, then something grabbed his shoulder. He turned and a bony hand grasped his throat.

It was her

He couldn't speak as it clamped around his neck and closed off his airway. She was choking the undead, she placed  finger to his lips as he lost consciousness. He couldn't fight it, the hunger had weakened him

He merely watched as the world went... black 


	6. I'm still here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman wakes up and is startled as he starts to understand the darker parts of his psych. He begins to question whether this journey is a metaphysical as he first thought.

As he awoke, Roman felt that he was chained down. He opened his eyes and was in the attic only it seemed cold. He looked around but found that he was constructed with branches, long brown branches that arched around him. What was this?

It wasn't long before the hunger began to wake too. He felt a tight pull in his stomach.

He looked around the room, for that was all he could do. It was as if nothing had changed. His mother's corpse lay there, tongue on the floor and blood everywhere. Then he saw a sight that shook him to the core. Roman saw himself, quivering and bleeding out. How was this possible? He saw himself and then the figure of himself stood up and smiled at him before disappearing into a pile of dust, a long with Olivia and the remnants of the entire room. In front of him stood a large figure, a familiar one.

"Shell?" He asked.  
The figure stepped into the light and it was Shelley, she merely smiled at him, her hair covering her eyes. She looked down, timid and fearful.

"Can you see me?" He said trying to lean towards her but being pulled back by the grip of the branches. She looked up at him once more and then her smile turned to a frown, her hair fell down in front of her to reveal her balding head.  
Her skin split and she stared at him as it peeled off in chunks.

"Shell" he yelled as he writhed, she smiled a smug grin as the skin fell off and onto the wooden floor.

"Ofcourse I can see you, dickless" she spoke in a sweet tone as her face fell to the ground like a undercooked pancake. It revealed a young and beautiful girl. She had soft skin and an innocent charm. Roman had seen this girl before, she had guided him before. He suddenly felt safe.  
This time however, she seemed different, sinister as she sat down on the wooden log before him and crossed her legs.  
She wore a black dress with a white bow tied around her waist, her hair was knotted in a neat plait.

"You know, I should have guessed that you would envisage a gothic style in your purgatory, always was a bit dark wasn't you" she looked around the room as the walls fell to the ground and revealed the familiar wooded area

"Bet your hungry ain't ya?" She smirked, he was confused.

"Can you free me?" He asked, starting to doubt he would ever be released from this

"What do I have to learn here, what is the unfinished business?" He asked as she stared, her eyes wide.

"Oh I don't know, guilt? And why would I free you" she talked in a sombre tone.

"Guilt?"

"Yeah maybe, you are the reason I'm dead, well your whore anyway. I told you she was no good but as always you believe what your cock tells you"

"Shelley I couldn't do anything"

"Yeah you didn't do anything , you let her get her claws into you"  
"JR killed you"

"I wouldn't have been out there if I didn't care about saving you, I went after her so you could be happy"

"You couldn't have been saved, you died instantly".

"Yeah and I lay there for hours, in those woods, these woods" she stared at him, her voice deepened on the last sentence.

"Did you put me here?"

"I wish, no this was.your conscience, maybe where your most unspent fears lie, I merely just tried to holt your memory but then again, I had no idea, not when she was around"  
Roman sat silent, he had completely forgotten Shelley in all of this, her death seemed so distant, like an absent thought, a shadow in the back of his mind. The woods, where to him just being lost. As he sat there he thought very carefully, what to say.

He knew that she was fragile

"You didn't even come looking for me, so besotted by her, she had you around her little finger and now, well I have her..." She chuckled

He looked at her

"Oh, now you are listening?" 

 


	7. You are someone else...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shelley presents Erika to Roman, much to his dismay. As the story unfolds, he finds himself trapped by the actions of his heart. He begins to question reality and whether he deserves to exist in that house.

Sickly cigarette smell wisted around him as he lay there, he could see a silouhette before him.

"Shell, what have you done?" He asked, peacefully as to not anger her. He had no idea how much of this he could control.

"I got your attention now, But?" She paused and sat beside him, 

"I don't know of I want it" she smiled, almost theatrical. She laughed and nudged him

"That hunger is really getting to you now , fir sure" she noted how he slocuhed, his eyes were darkening,  his skin pale. He peered up at her, she held his chin

He looked in the light

"If you want to kill me, I can't imagine I'll be able to fight back" he was fatigued 

"I don't want to kill you, but I will make sure you suffer" she stood and walked over to the corner of the room, a curtain was woven of twigs and string. She held it and pulled it back

His view was blurred as he looked over at her , he could see her but just about. Another silouhette stood before her, it was thin and gaunt. It wore a black gown.

"Who would have thought your dream would be so gothic" she smirked she stared at the person beside her.

"Shelley, I don't want to do this"

"Tough" she was firm

 Roman was afraid, his body shivered as he was powerless against her icy gaze. 

"Here is what's left of your favourite, your deviant" Shelley pulled a black rope, there was little to no resistance.

"Please Shelley don't" he stared at her

"You wanted Her, didn't you? Our whole family got wiped our because of her" she yanked the rope harder and the silouhette fell to the floor, to her knees.

"No" Roman clenched his eyes shut for a moment there was silence. The room cold, he wondered if he was alone, was it a dream. He shivered, his body collapsing from fear. There was no sound.

* * *

He opened one eye and slyly glanced around, there was nothing. Black walls and no traces of life. Nothing 

He opened the other one and saw the room, he saw the loft that he had died in. It was cold. He saw himself on the floor, blood pouring out of his arms. It was drying instantly, he saw Olivia. Her eyes open and her skin grey.

What was this.

He screamed, but there was no sound. The air was cold. 

He glanced around a moment longer and reclined, next to his corpse.

* * *

Suddenly a hand reached out and pulled the image away, as if it were wallpaper. It was bony and had claw like nails.

"Sorry.  But your face"  Shelley cackled, he was back with her, in the woods. 

"What was that?" He asked her

"Never you mind" 

Erika was kneeling before him, she had a long feathery dress that appeared almost leaf like. It revealed her bony spine as she crouched forward. Her head downwards facing. Her skin was pale and broken. 

"Is this a dream?" He whispered holding her face in his. She looked to him, her skin scarred and tattered. She exhaled

"This is purgatory" her voice was dry and airy.

"But the scars, they healed?"

"Your mind thought they did, tell me? Do you remember how you got here?" Erika's face was gaunt, her eyes blackened and tired. 

 


	8. Don't kiss me goodbye again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman is broken as his journey comes to a brisk and real end. He let's go and the world seems to fall inwards. A world he created 
> 
> Sorry for the short chapter, I'm trying to correlate an ending as I find myself very busy and my mindset has changed. I will try my very best to give a satisfying ending to this. Thank you for sticking with me and those who keep reading, I appreciate it and hope to give you a satisfying ending

Roman was in pain, he had lay down and was staring at the sky. 

Erika lay beside him.

"So how do I get out of this?" He lay, weak and concerned as he felt his skin begin to firm.

She turned to him  her face seemed to fade into the ground. Her eyes were black, Shelley seemed to have disappeared the world was bleak.

At this point he embraced death, whatever he was supposed to be feeling or understand was gone. 

"I'm tired, don't just stare at me" he pleaded . Her eyes were dead

"What am I supposed to see?"

He became agitated, he squeezed his eyes shut and exhaled. He didn't care if it was his last 

 

"You created this, end it" she spoke, he didn't open his eyes

"I didn't ask for this"

"Ofcourse you did, this world is your own. Your inner needs this world is you"

"So what the fuck am I supposed to do with that" he yelled

"Figure it out" he felt her touch on his chest, she lay there, her hair soft on him. 

 


	9. Taking control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman reaches the end of his journey and finds a way to unravel this insane relay of events
> 
> Sorry for the delay in updates. I hope to finish this fic off in the next few weeks.  
> Thank you to everyone who is still reading  
> I've been lately very intrigued and distracted by other fandoms and in a different place, mentally so am struggling to finish this off.  
> I will be working on a 'A star is born' fic as I think it has potential, beinf such an excellent story!
> 
> Thanks and hope you enjoy this chapter

She evaporated into thin air as Roman held onto her for the last time. Tears swelled up in his tired eyes and rolled down his gaunt cheeks. His skin was pale and he struggled as he pulled himself up.  
Looking around, the wind flew away and became one with the sky. The icy breeze taunted his flesh. Skimming his skin as it breezed by

He watched the wind and turned to face the trees, picking up the pace, he ran towards the somewhat immobile backdrop. It was inanimate and seemed to move further away as he headed toward it.

"Darling, what are you doing? " Olivia's voice was behind him. He ploughed through going past it, refusing to turn to face it. The voice squeeled as she touched his spine. Then silence, the forest was dark. 

Shelley was next, her tone caressed him, kindly. 

"You can't go back, don't you want to stay with us? " she whispered, softly, although she was behind him

"You're letting us die?" the voice disappeared. He felt his knees buckling, he fell to the ground. Gripping his stomach tightly, the hunger was unbearable as though it was digesting itself 

Standing back up, he cried out. 

He saw JR and Norman, they looked at him, like waxworks they were stuck. Apart from their mobile hands which waved at him. It was an unnerving sight but not enough to cause him to stop. This was becoming easier, how had he not done this before. 

He suddenly felt confident

Until.... 

Everything went silent as he saw a tent ahead. 

Peter has two cigarettes hanging out of his mouth, "Come on buddy?" he smiled offering him a cigarette. 

"I can't, I don't want to die"

"Shee-it" Peter said as smoke fizzled out of his mouth and he disappeared into the cloud of smoke. He winked at Roman as he disappeared. 

A tear lay translucent on his cheek, he slowed but didnt stop. 

Eventually he reached a door, the world seemed to have ended and revolved back. He had walked the entire world. 

By the heavy wooden door, he saw a stone. On it lay Erika, she wore a red gown smoke coming out of a cigarette. The white painted door, was locked.

He pulled it with all his strength and collapsed in front of it.

"Last step, huh? " she almost floated  to him, the dress covered her entire lower half and swamped her. The corseted top was floral and smells smiled as she lay before his weakened body.

" I've reached the end, I need to get out of here" she placed her hand on his gaunt features

"I know, let us just enjoy it. For a moment longer"

"I don't want you to go"

"I'm dead, you have a chance"

"what am I going back to? "

She looked puzzled and lifted an eyebrow. 

" You are going back because you can. There is never a reason to give up on life"

"what if it's not different"

"I think we know that it will be" colour came back to his face as she kissed him, he lost consciousness, her face shimmering before him. 

 

The sun rose behind her. 

Morning had finally come

 

 


	10. An end and a beginning.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you have enjoyed reading this, I have tried to encapsulate Roman's journey to becoming upir in an almost catabasis way. I had fun writing this and hope the end is satisfying

Roman awoke, the ceiling was fuzzy. It was spinning as he sat up and noticed that the basement was just as he left it. 

His arms had healed, his mother's corpse before him. 

His stomach ached, that familiar fatigue and hunger 

There were white scars lining his arm as he stood up. Looking at his phone, he saw multiple mixed calls from Johann but had very little interest in calling him back.

He sat on the stall and looked at the chaos that had unfolded.

 

His mind felt overwhelmed as he awaited the world to come back to. It was saddening as he realised the debris that had been left before. 

He had hope, there must be some reason he survived. 

He inhaled, there was no breath Just a strange rattling in his chest. 

Emptiness. 

He would have to rebuild everything. 

The thought ached his skull as he began to contemplate how he would feed this hateful and impenesable hunger 


End file.
